Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
