after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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