Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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