I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
