that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
