so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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