hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
