Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She bit a glass in half.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
