It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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