I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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