is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this just has baby written all over it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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