Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I won the penis lottery.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just invented taco cereal.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
