She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
