Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
