Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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