this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
