tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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