the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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