I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
