I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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