Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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