I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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