the condom got lost in my hair
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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