so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
