The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
