So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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