She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
