Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
