Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
