I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
