Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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