My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this will be a night to untag.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
