When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
