It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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