Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
