why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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