Welp...herpes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The Olympian is in my bed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
