I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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