yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
