where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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