I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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