I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
