I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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