She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
