I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
