first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
