I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
