i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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