that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
