Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
