Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
