I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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