She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize