just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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