Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
birth control should be required to get into college
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
