I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
