we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize