You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
