Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Holy sore nipples Batman
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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