I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize