Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
