Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
