My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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