My room smells like vodka and shame
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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