About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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