Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
