I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize