i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
