from now on my penis is your penis
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
