She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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