is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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