New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
MIDGETS
????
If I had your ass I would rule the world
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
