Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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